Lake Bonny Park

"The Untrusted Waters"

To stop and stare at water's edge,

leaving all frantic thoughts behind,

I watch the mucky water ripple forth,

I see it intertwine with the tall blades of grass

The mysteries of this place are well to be kept under,

under the water, that is,

to the depths I cannot see,

I ultimately fear,

fear of natures unknown.

Gazing at the waters surface,

a mutli- color greenish tint

will deny me the access to see through it.

I do not trust this water,

for off in the near distance I see it.

His eyes that creep just above this liquid territory,

and a nose that surpasses just a tad bit more,

this image that I am seeing, was not there before

but yet, it was.

Through the untrusted waters,

now a no trespassing zone,

I stand in protective length.

A bird flies above,

now that, I trust,

that, I can see.

It came from afar

from its home in the tree.

But this, untamed, untampered thing

from beneath, I cannot see.

It waits patiently, but I cannot anticipate where from,

cautious now, my eyes will roam,

seeing nothing.

It reappears,

its dark figure dominates the water

but something changes, back to the unknown

and it disappears...

To my dismay

I cannot see where it went.

I stay standing,

contemplating the path in which it took

never reappearing...

Time goes by and no more as a last goodbye,

would it come again?

The sun has set and my stomach growls,

I realize the time,

back to the frantic time of thoughts,

away from the mysteries

away from the unknown

away...

from water's edge.

I went to lake Bonny Park for this assignment, and stayed there for an hour and a half. The experience was mind clearing. I truly needed to get away and clear my mind so by going to Lake Bonny Park was the exact thing that I needed. I went by my self on Monday afternoon, after the rain had cleared up and I went out to the end of the dock, which overlooked the lake. I had heard that people see alligators a lot there and since I have only seen one alligator in my two years of being here, I really wanted to see another one. And I did!!! I was kind of scared because I could not see through the water and I did not know what to expect, until a family came up on the bridge and I heard the mother say, "If you want to see an alligator, they usually hang out around the edges of the water," so my eyes went straight to the border of the lake, where it meet the tall blades of grass. However, the alligator was not the only thing that I got to see, I also saw a turtle and two large skinny fish that would disappear underneath the water. After the family left, I was able to enjoy the stillness of the air and then I heard noises that I normally do not hear because of the usual business of a day. The noise a bird makes as it skims the water searching for fish is incredible, and yet I have never taken the time to notice it before. It is sad to think about the joys of life that we miss all because of time. Time to do this, time to do that, but whatever happened to the time that is just for being still and capturing the precious moments of God's creation. This assignment has taught me, that a person actually needs time to simply relax and take note of the beauty of Christ through nature.

Be Still

Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God!"

Could this verse come any closer to the poetry that we have been reading in class? Throughout these past two classes, I have learned a lot about taking the time to notice the subtle things, like a single flower fallen from the bush that it grew from, or difference in the the trees as their leaves radiate this fluorescent lime green color. I feel that we cannot truly know God unless we sit solely in His presence, so that we are able to take note of the creation that He orchestrated.

In Mary Oliver's poem, Messenger, I absolutely fell in love with her first line, "My work is loving the world." How wonderful would life truly be if the mass majority found fulfillment by simply just loving the world. She goes on to describe that she needs to keep her mind on what matters which pertains to her work, "which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished." I really do not think I could have said it any better myself. The way Mary Oliver talks about the world is so intriguing, it makes me want to see from her perspective, from her mind, but then it hit me, I have the power to see the world as she does, if I would only BE STILL! God knows it, Mary Oliver knows it, so why do I not know it. If so much joy comes out of taking heart with the small, subtle things of life, why are not more people catching on? Why are people always dragging themselves into the same old prison cell, locking themselves from joy, peace, and tranquility and in-caving themselves to bitterness, distraught, and despair?

I know why, because we run eight hour days, if not more working and hurrying, working, and thinking, working, working and working until we are rundown, out of breathe and ready to pass out. We do not think on things that brings us peace, but rather things that we have to do for tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month, and the next year. Were freaking out about our future, when we have not even had a chance to think about our present. Whenever I start getting too overwhelmed, I always think about that line in Kung Fu Panda, when one of the characters says, "Life is a gift, that is why they call it the present." Even though the line comes from a cartoon movie, it has so much meaning behind the words and fits exceedingly well with Mary Oliver's poems as well as the Bible.

If we could just tap into that moment of being completely one with nature, isolated from worldly anxieties and just sit, lie back in the grass and allow ourselves to enter into that "place of not thinking, not remembering, [and] not wanting," I believe that we would be a delight in the heart of Christ. One thing that I have learned from all of these poems is that God did not create life so that we could hate every waking moment of it, no, He created life so that we might enjoy it, appreciate it, and live it to our fullest potential.

The three levels of Being in "This Blessed House"

Just last class Professor Corrigan had our class go further in depth on character development and I must say that the questions he had us answer really made me think further than just surface level. He went over a three level self-reflection chart, which really helped with focusing in on the main issues. One area was an outer circle that was labeled the outer crust, symbolizing our outer-self, and this reminded me of how I act when I am around others. Next, was a smaller circle, but the space between those two was the mantel, which symbolized our inner-self, and this reflects whom we are when no one is around. Lastly, the inside circle was the core and this signified our self in God. While reflecting on these three elements, I really started thinking about the characters in “This Blessed House” and it appeared to me that each character had a complex character that I did not realize the first time reading though the story.

By focusing on the "outer crust", I noticed many things about both characters' outer-selves. With Twinkle's character, she promotes a curiosity that derives from childhood but has remained with her and her husband, Sanjeev is the businessman who has matured into a grounded, orderly and might I add bitter person. However, as my thought goes on in discussing the characters, I look more in depth when noticing the their "inner- selves". I found Sanjeev to be not as bitter, but rather a man who knows who he is and is firm in what he believes in. While Twinkle, on the other hand, is more curious about Christianity than her own religion and is actually quite disrespectful when it comes to her husband. I have a feeling that this disrespect comes from not truly loving Sanjeev and this is the core value that I feel both characters share toward each other. With just moving into a house, I am sure there are many things that need to be done, as Sanjeev notices, by commenting on the things he has to do. But with her sheer oblivious nature to being completely and utterly focused on only the items she is finding in the house, she completely dismisses Sanjeev and pertains her energy to only the things that she finds interesting. Sanjeev, unlike Twinkly is more concerned about preparing their house for the guest that will be coming over and spends more time in preparation than he does with his wife. He is stern and comes across as bitter, but not only that, he drinks quite often, which I feel is a void he is creating in his life so he does not have to think about her.

By reflecting the core of both characters I have come to the conclusion, and of course this is my own personal opinion, that neither one of them truly love each other, much less like being around each other. If I were to further analyze both of their characters I am sure that I would pick up on minute details that would only strengthen my hypothesis. By studying character development, as Professor Corrigan touched on in class, I have noticed that it actually helps you see insight into your own life and your own characteristics.

Pie Eating Contest

In class Professor Corrigan performed a fantastic demonstration with another student in class. It was a pie eating contest, but the only difference with this contest, from other I have seen, was that neither one of the opponents looked at each other. This was interesting because no one in the class anticipated what was about to take place.

When the contest started Derek, Professors Corrigan’s opponent, dug right into his pecan pie without second guessing a thing, while Professor Corrigan took his sweet old time, by taking a sip of his coffee and slowly eating the pie. In fact, Professor Corrigan takes the time to wipe his lips with his napkin while he is supposedly in a contest to see who can finish their pie first. Obviously, Derek was going to win because Professor Corrigan was bound to not finish his pie at the rate he was going. Derek on the other hand, with his back faced toward Professor Corrigan, had no clue that he was doing that, so he hurriedly ate his pie by taking huge bites and swallowing quickly without taking any water. At the end of the contest, Professor Corrigan simply waits for Derek to finish and while he does not finish his own pie, instead he sits, completely satisfied with the amount he ate. The total time it took Derek to finish was six minutes and four seconds, including the crust.

While they had this “contest”, Professor Corrigan asked the class to be very attentive while taking notes based off of what they observed. By doing this the class came up with many analogies of why this was a good experiment. First, someone spoke of savoring the taste, and I feel that, that analogy fits quite well with reading literature and character development. When you are reading a story, you do not really get much out of it, unless you “chew” on what you have read and truly take the time to understand the meaning the author was trying to get across. I also feel that the same is true for writing or developing a character, you do not want to just create a character without thinking thoroughly what you want that character to be like and or look like. If you create a character quickly, you may miss out on so many details that will help the reader believe that your character is real. Even in class on Friday, Professor Corrigan called us, the students, ignorant because we have not sat down and studied as many characters as he has and also because we have simply not allowed ourselves to contemplate our thoughts, our emotions and basically our well-beings. In this since, I feel that the pie- eating contest showed us a lot because many times, I, myself, feel like life is a race/ contest, but if we just would take the time to savor the moments by reflecting and thinking and savor the texts that we read, we would grasp life a little bit better.

Short Story: The Confrontation

Nervously waiting for the storm to come bombarding through the door as she sat in her wooden chair expecting the worst but hoping for the best. The room was silent, but her mind was pacing with thoughts.

“I couldn’t believe she overheard my conversation, now she is really going to hate me,” she thought.

Her usual routine of cramming away the minutes with every bit of work she could do was not on her list of priorities at the moment, but rather worrying about what she was going to say and frantically searching for the perfect inoffensive words she could possibly utter out.

Feeling the intense pain of knots in her stomach and the swelling in her eyes as they began to drain with water was the worst yet, at the same time, a relieving sensation. Reaching for her Bible, Laura, perpetually turned the pages, craving to obtain any information that might help calm the storm that arose within her. She inevitably knew that she couldn’t control the confrontation that was about to take place, but she did know that she could at least control her own emotions. Frantically focusing on every page she turned to, she just couldn’t focus on one single thought so she closed the Bible in frustration and erupted with a boisterous sound.

“I can’t do this, I can’t tell her how I feel, everything will be so awkward from here on to the end of the semester, it’s just not worth it.” Laura reflected, or rather, consulted herself on what to do as she tried to “fear” herself out of doing what she knew had to be done.

Finally, she decided to call her mom and let her know of the dilemma at hand. Searching for her phone as her eyes twitched all over the room, she finally found it resting underneath her papers and books that were messily thrown on her desk. She snatched the phone and dialed her mother’s number. She heard the continuous sound of the rings through the phone as her knee bounced rapidly, and much to her dismay, her mother did not pick up.

She decided to turn to God once again by praying silently to herself as she sat in her chair. It was the only thing she could think to do at a moment like this…

“Dear Lord, I am so worried about my roommate and how she is going to react to me. Please give me the strength to speak in humility and not frustration or anger. I cannot stand confrontation so please give me wisdom and allow me to control my emotions. Lord, I thank you that You are going to turn this situation around, for what the devil means for harm, You can revive it and produce a victory from it, no matter the situation. I know I was in the wrong in some areas so help my apology be sincere and truthful, but allow me to also assert myself in the areas needed. I don’t want to start a battle between us, I have no desire to turn this into a nitpick argument of who’s done what and who is right and who is wrong…”

In mid sentence, the wind picked up and all of a sudden the sounds of horse hooves were beating against the window ceil. The rain came down as hard as golf balls pouring out into the dark night sky. It almost seemed too hard to be rain, but before she had much time to think about the rain the door came flinging open and Janice came striding in. Laura quickly finished her prayer by saying,

“Lord, thank you for hearing my prayer and actively responding to it in Jesus’ name, amen!”

Janice didn’t even look at Laura, when she walked in the room with her hair drenched and her clothes soaked, but it didn’t take her long to address the one question Laura had been dreading…

“Did you know you called me?” Janice asked in a stern voice.

With much pain Laura answered back in a soft, low voice,

“Yes I did, and I am really sorry you had to hear my conversation, but I had to talk to someone about it because I couldn’t keep pretending like everything was fine when in all actuality I have been very unhappy with our relationship.”

Janice’s eyes burned with fire as she glared at Laura from across the room. Then Janice stormed into the bathroom, in which she started washing dishes and Laura sat uneasily in her chair because she had not anticipated Janice to react like that.

From the bathroom Laura could hear Janice yell back to her saying,

“You had no right to talk about me like that, what I want to do with my life is my business and I don’t have to answer to you or help you out whenever you need something.”

Laura sank in her chair and regretted ever asking to have a talk with Janice but after that comment Janice got really quite and all Laura heard for the next couple of minutes was the running water coming from the sink. Now Laura yearned to know what thoughts were rummaging through Janice’s mind and whether or not she should pack up and look for a new room or not. About five minutes had passed, but since Laura’s mind was pacing back and forth from thought to thought, she felt as if an eternity had passed. When Janice came back into the room Laura opened her mouth to apologize but stopped because she noticed Janice’s eyes were no longer fiery red, but instead they had swelled to tears as her head hung down low.

Sympathy had swiped over Laura’s emotions as she compassionately informed Janice of her apology,

“Janice, I am so sorry I did not mean to make you cry!”

“It’s not you Laura, I know things haven’t been going well, I just wasn’t expecting to overhear it through a phone conversation of you and someone else. That sent me over the edge to hear you talk about me like that, but instead of anger and bitterness, all I could feel was pain and misery. I realize I can be a bit picky on how I live my life…”

Laura interrupted and jokingly emphasized, “a bit picky???”

Immediately after Laura said that, the look of terror took over her face, because she had really meant to only say that in her head but thought it would lighten up the situation so she decided to say it out loud. However, Laura knew that Janice was extra sensitive at that given moment and didn’t know how she took the comment. Much to her amazement, Janice started laughing and spoke back by saying,

“Okay, okay, I’m a lot picky when it comes to living,” she laughed out loud, “it’s just I’ve never had to share a room with anyone before and I wasn’t aware how different it truly is. I know some of the things I do bother you and perhaps hurt your feelings a lot but its something I know I can work on.”

Laura’s jaw dropped wide open as she stayed planted in her chair not being able to move much less speak because of the shock she was in from her roommates reaction.

The once tall, dark hair, and overpowering personality that Laura saw from Janice, was no longer there and instead she saw Janice for the first time as a kind hearted individual who actually has more than one emotion.

Laura thought about how this conversation could have gone, but instead it took a completely different direction, Laura was relieved and ultimately thankful that God intervened because the situation would not have gone as well as it did if it were not for Him.

As Laura finished gathering her thoughts, she realized that it was her turn to speak. She obviously realized that Janice understood where she was coming from, so she decided to move on from the matter as she forgave her and asked for her own apologies. Janice, in return was more than happy to accept her apology as they talked out their differences and made amends with each other. This taught Laura that even in the midst of a dramatic situation, we should immediately turn to God and not others and by doing so, He will make a way where there seems to not be one.

My Tea with Madame Descartes and "Character"

"Does a character emerge from a story, or does a story merge from a character?"

This quote was taken out of chapter two on character and I find it most interesting to think about. I feel that this saying may have a tendency to equal each other out. I have found that both the story and the character developed simultaneously. For example in the poem, "My Tea with Madame Descartes", took almost half of the poem to simply describe the ambiance and character of Madame Descartes. Through vivid description, I was able to comprehend and believe the character that was being described as a women that is unmentionably beautiful.

"... Her beauty was singular, volcanic, viscous... as inevitable as lava moving slowly toward you. Even those few lines in her face seemed as delicate as those left by a leaf's edge, drawn by a child through the sand. Her beauty was so close to vengeance- one exacted by the world upon those of us so ordinary, so weak, we can barely admit its existence"

However, according to chapter two, "Building character isn't about mere features or characteristics; it's about the underlying "why" that makes the choice of features or characteristics apt." Towards the second half of the poem she begins to speak to her associate, who is having tea with Madame to interview her. When she began talking, she started off with talking about the war and what it was like during those years. Then she spoke on how she had married a man that was sweet but stupid, which I'm sure she thought of feelings of regret she wanted to pure out but did not. I felt as if she put what she truly wanted to do on hold, which was to model and travel the world.

"And I thought, on day, flipping through those old pieces of hers from Vogue and Life, I'd like to do that!"

So knowing that she was married to a dull man who wanted to take a trip to his brothers only helped her with the decision of leaving him to pursue her dreams.

"That was that; when my husband went back to Paris, I kissed him goodbye and took the train to Tibet-Lhasa-then on to Bangkok, Argentina, Chile..."

By asking "why" instead of "what" for character development, I was able to understand her desire for herself to go after what she wanted, which ultimately helped her throw caution out the window. She even stated in the last of the poem, "For such an illogical woman that's the last 'logical' thing I've ever done," as she referred to leaving her husband and following her passion.

When looking at literature, whether it be a poem, story or song, identification of characters can be established more definably by searching for "why" certain characters are the way they are, what brought them to this point, instead of "what" can a character be or "what" you think the character is. By reading chapter two on character helped me understand character a lot better!

Sonny Blues

Today in class, Professor Corrigan had us look in depth into particular passages in, Sonny's Blues, by using a form of reading called, Lectio Divina. In order to perform this style of interpreting text you first listen to a paragraph or two and then reflect on it. As you reflect on the passage, you write down any phrase that stands out to you and you share a minute of silence. Then you re-read the passage and respond to a word or phrase by praying whatever rises up in your heart toward the text. Finally, you read the passage for a final time, simply to rest in the Spirit as you sit silently.

This was an amazing experience because we were able to take a secular story, and find so many spiritual meanings behind the words. One of the passages that first stuck out to me during the first reading was,

"Freedom lurked around us and I understood, at last, that he could help us to be free if we would only listen, that he would never be free until we did."

The first of the sentence hit me hard when I heard it read a loud in class, and the truth that came from it rang clearly in me ears. This entire story is about this man's life, named Sonny, told by his brother and all we read about is the screw up that Sonny had become, and the darkness that inevitably will end his life. However, there was one thing that Sonny was living for and that was his music, the chance to learn how to play and perform on the piano. His lifeline depended on it, it was everything he had, was, and could be. At the end of the story, which is where this quote came from it describes his moment of freedom, when he has the chance to play in a bar. Through the music, he was able to reach back to the very beginning of his life and sing it out. Through his music/ life, he was able to help others as the crowd responded with "Amens". But there is just something so fantastic about this quote, because it is basically saying that freedom is lurking for those who will listen. Is this not true in every single situation with God. He longs to give us the freedom we need, but so many times we are quick to reject his help because we are too stubborn in our own ways. Sonny's music was an amazing testimony that was able to reach out to others in the most unlikely of places, a bar. If only we would listen to Christ's story, but truly listen, I believe that we would find so many answers to life's problems, which would provide freedom for many.

I would like to end with the prayer that I wrote in class, it is pretty rough because we did not have a lot of time to write it, but here it is,

Dear Lord, who of us actually listens to your story, I pray that we focus on your light, which will ultimately set us free, so we can get through the hard times that life throws at us. You never said that we would not suffer, in fact, because You suffered we knew that as Christ followers, we too, would suffer. But that is why it is so important to rest in you and meditate on your Word day and night. I ask that You will use us by the music our life orchestrates so that it may be a testimony to others. I thank you that you always provide a plan of escape whenever we place ourselves into a situation we feel we cannot get out of, because nothing is too big for You. Lord, just as Sonny found freedom, I pray that others will be able to persevere and lean on you, until they have victory. I thank You that you fight our battles for us, as long as we give them to You. So I pray that we will remember to listen to your word and let go of our burdens so that we will be able to live a victorious life.